I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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