Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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