Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
