I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
