he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize