I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
