I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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