my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
