you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
