woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
