i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
