oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
