His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
