I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
