Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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