I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i will never coherently bang her
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
