I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
