just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
