I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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