We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
