You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm too high and old for this...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
