I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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