im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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