I think scott just propositioned me for sex
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
