We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
