Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
