You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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