how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
