absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
