i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
