you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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