I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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