Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
