Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
