he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize