i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
