Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
