This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
