Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
