Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
