Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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