one two three fourrrrnication!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
