just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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