I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
