Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
