stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
