she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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