i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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