I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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