he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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