My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
