Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
