between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
