The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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