I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize