none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
