he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
