I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
4 words: hood of his car
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the day after is always just damage control
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
