Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
