We got so high we made milksteak
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
