Someone shit on the floor
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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