oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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