my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You have to summon your inner elephant
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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