She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
