would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
