I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
