You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He better not be in your backpack
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
