conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
