You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize