how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
