He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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