The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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