So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
